MARI SELBY: Strength can be defined as emotional toughness: the necessary quality required to deal with stressful and painful situations. How many times have we heard these phrases: "You have to be tough to be strong." Or "What does not kill me makes me stronger."

We may no longer believe those quotes as emotional toughness makes us act like we're beef jerky--tough to chew, can survive just about anything, and have about as much life as tanned leather. These days we may be willing to look for support when we think we can't do something ourselves. We may even be willing to bend or let go when something doesn't go our way. But how far are we willing to lean on friends, our Higher Power, or family when we feel weak and vulnerable? Are we willing to redefine strength to mean being wholly present, aware of all around us, while we recover a strong spirit, or soul?

I've always seen myself as a strong woman. At one time being strong meant becoming one of the first women to be a Journeyman electrician in California. I was a strong woman when I walked away from a car accident with a mild concussion, my car destroyed and my plans for the next year gone with the wind. I was a strong woman when I was raped as a teen. I was a strong woman when I lived alone out in the country in Oregon. I was a strong woman starting my own business as a publicist. I was a strong woman handling my addictions "just fine". I was strong and I could do and handle just about anything. I always had friends, and when I felt out of control sometimes I could lean on them. But way too often it was my brain, and my survival skills that got me out of any difficult situations. However I wasn't happy. I wasn't following a road to a happy destiny. I wasn't free to really be myself. Being emotionally vulnerable and a strong woman was an image of health that was impossible to comprehend.

Recovery from addictions taught me a new meaning of strength and a new meaning to humility. As part of my recovery I have learned I am not alone. My story echoes through way too many people's lives. I realized that to be strong, I need to lean on you, and my Higher Power! Through much soul searching, cleansing and therapy, I am discovering a willingness to change and I have recovered an open mind. Through my willingness to change and practicing loving kindness I have recovered a loving heart. In the past I would never have believed that through this recovery I could become stronger. I have also learned that recovery is work, involves a daily process and is the most vital element in my soul's evolution. As I walk the road to a happier destiny I have redefined what being a strong woman means. Today I am emotionally vulnerable, original, raw, healing and yes strong in my spirit and soul.

This week's exercise has two parts. Part one is to contemplate the following quote by Alex Karras,

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind."

As well as the Classic Bill Wither's song Lean on Me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on...]

Part two is to contemplate how you define strength. What are the assets in you that make you stronger? What are the ways you can be vulnerable, and yet survive? How do you know the toughness of your soul and spirit? What are the ways you are willing to lean on a friend, your Higher Power, your neighbour?