DEVORAH GARLAND: Christmas wasn't much fun growing up. So I have faced this month with dread for many decades. Then, about 12 years ago, I started to change my attitude.

I chose to begin a healing journey centred around the entire month of December. Using Feng Shui principles, every year I increase my understanding of what I need to do in order to improve my outlook. I'd like to share with you some of the ways I've been turning the season of Scrooge into a peaceful, festive family celebration.

For one-twelfth of every year, I had endured a painful seesaw between rage and despair. When I saw how it was affecting my growing family, I chose to find a way to heal my aversion. I began by opening my mind, heart and spirit to the experience of Christmas and observing how it affects me. I also observed how my family reacts to it.

This approach is an essential ingredient of Feng Shui, the 5,000-year-old art of balancing and activating the power within and around every living thing. I am committed to freeing all the blocked energies within me as I journey through this lifetime. I am achieving greater balance between the Yin and Yang forces of my nature through observing, identifying and understanding my reactions and deciding which ones I want to change.

I know this journey may well last my entire life because my antagonism toward Christmas dates back to an unhealthy childhood. I need to heal myself on many levels. But the good news is: it's working.

With my masculine, Yang energies of doing, thinking, exploring and speaking, I first contemplated what I disliked about the holidays. Immediately the relentless, rampant commercialism came up. I hated all that shopping for presents (I'm not a consumer) and the wrapping, the keeping track of who got what, etc. For me, this exercise is essentially meaningless; I prefer to celebrate the spirit inside each soul rather than the outward trappings.

So I wrote to my extended family, explaining that I did not want to exchange presents any longer, and that I would prefer some personal time with them long distance or face to face rather than stressing myself out, shopping for something they likely did not need. Their reactions varied from direct support to outright hostility.

Our feminine Yin energies concern heart being, compromise, feeling and listening, and so in response to these reactions I modified my approach. With the family members who needed the ritual, I continued to exchange presents; with the others, I planned a feast day or scheduled a phone chat to share some good cheer and remain close.

Next, I tackled the Christmas tree. When I was young, it was an ordeal to decorate that thing with my mother dragging out too many decorations and correcting everything we did. After doing some Yang thinking and talking to my spouse, I concluded that I could not find a way to feel happy about doing this chore.

So I delegated it to my husband and stepdaughter, and then stayed out of it. Whatever they chose to do with that tree would be their decision, even if I disliked the final result. In doing this I accepted that if I am not involved, I do not have the right to criticize. This is a very Yin approach involving compromise and acting from the heart to support others' needs. In this case, my family needed that darn tree even if I did not.

But my actions freed up the energy blocked with my painful memories. After a few years, as my daughters grew, I found myself actually decorating the tree again. They are now young teenagers, and I look forward to our evening of setting up our artificial tree. Through my compromise, in which I surrendered my involvement, I released enough energy around this issue that I healed my conflict and began to enjoy the ritual.

The tree was another Yin/Yang choice. I cannot bear killing a young, living tree and then displaying its dying essence during Christmas. So we use an artificial one. We discussed this compromise as a family and chose it together so everyone likes it.

Next, I applied my Yang abilities to contemplating the things I like about Christmas. Um...well...was there anything on this list? I finally found one special thing that I truly enjoy: the outdoor lights. I love the colourfulness and cheer and the way they hold back the darkness of winter's shorter days. So I decorate the front of our house with lights, usually by myself, and I truly love doing it.

I realized that I also love the gathering of family on the Big Day, but not the stress of cooking. So I simplified it as much as possible, with cold buffet items during the day and a festive evening meal.

Every year, in January, I write myself a note about what did and did not work for me on my journey to healing my Scrooge attitudes about Christmas. Every December, I open that note, and use my own advice to further modify my approach. It helps me to continue balancing my Yin/Yang energies as I enter the next festive season.

This year marks a very important step in my healing. For this Christmas, 2010, I intend to finish this issue for all time.

Recognizing that my negativity about the season has become an entrenched part of my family's experience, I choose this year to keep my mouth shut about anything that I still dislike about the season. I am choosing to contain my reactions within myself, and allow my family to heal as well. They enjoy Christmas, and from this year onward I will remain peaceful and serene throughout the season.

After about 12 years of steady progress in my healing, I find myself actually feeling excited about Christmas this year. But that's really not a surprise: as I support myself and release the blocked energies surrounding this time of year, they are free to re-pattern into more wholesome forms.

A balance between the Yin and Yang energies in each of us is reflected in a greater sense of harmony and thoughtful consideration before taking action, especially during a conflict. By behaving in a considerate way both toward myself and the family that surrounds maxi am helping to create a more festive and satisfying holiday season for everyone.

I hope you found my story inspiring. Please share with me what you found helpful, or let me know how you are choosing to create a more peaceful and satisfying holiday for yourself or your family.

Dec 14, 2010 - 12:08 PM

Line Brunet -

I have great memories as a child at Christmas time and love this season however I know there are many that do not such as yourself. That makes me sad because it should be a magical time of year for everyone! I think that your article would be very inspiring to those that have felt the way you do and that want to be able to enjoy it and so I will share this article in the hopes that it will inspire another to begin the healing in order to enjoy Christmas. Blessings to you Devorah for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!