Anger and hatred, like heavy stones on your soul, constantly weigh you down. They take the joy out of life and the colour out of each day. They cause depression and other disorders of the mind and spirit. Scientific studies have shown how such negativity inflames the body, causing dis-ease, which is the true root of all illness: a mind-body-soul that is not at ease. This is not healthy living!
Instead of celebrating all the goodness surrounding you, a heart filled with anger and hatred lures the mind down some very dark avenues into a bleak landscape that offers no solace. Every hurt, no matter how minor, becomes a resentment added to the crushing weight of negativity that you constantly carry. You doom yourself to trudging endlessly onward while it oppresses your soul. To create a balanced life of joy and serenity, you need to lighten your burden.
Forgiveness is the only way to lighten this heavy load. The value of releasing such negative emotions is well known in 12-step programs as an essential key to serenity and freedom from addictions. Forgiveness is about letting go of what happened and choosing not to hold on to all those harsh feelings. It puts the past back where it belongs: out of your everyday thoughts.
Forgiving someone removes one of those crushing stones from your back. Never will what happened be forgotten. But forgiveness robs it of the power to keep on hurting you. Soon you are able to stand tall again, looking toward the future rather than wallowing in an unhappy past.
Letting go of a hurtful past, flings open the doors of your soul allowing love and joy to flow in. You make some space in your heart where the pain that's released can be replaced by finer feelings.
My friend Pat held resentment for many years against the priest who forgot, during a baptism ceremony, to include her child among the names of the infants who would be baptized. She had to stand up and publicly remind the priest of her child's inclusion in a ceremony for which she had spent several weeks attending his preparation classes. She was outraged at his oversight and the fact that he never apologized for what he did. She took it as a personal slight.
Then one day, she found the inner reserve to let go of what had happened. Pat spoke to the priest and told him that she forgave him for his error. His response surprised her. "I felt badly about what happened," he told her, explaining that he had not been able to face what he saw as a very grave mistake. Suddenly, Pat saw the man of God in a very different light.
"He was imperfect and fallible. What happened obviously had weighed on his conscience," she recalls. Pat says that accepting his flaws immediately made her feel lighter. Her only regret was the years she had spent feeling distant from a good man with whom she might have shared many inspiring conversations.
When it comes to people you care about, forgiving them releases lethal junk from the past. It changes the relationship -- and always for the better.
Here's another way to look at it. Imagine you are pointing a finger at someone, in accusation and outrage. Make that gesture for real: then look at your hand. For that one finger pointing outward, there are three other fingers pointing back at you. This symbolizes the responsibility each of us has for the choices we make. It is very easy to focus on what the other person has done, but it overlooks the effect on you from staying stuck in resentment about a past hurt.
Forgiveness does not mean you must have a relationship with a harmful person. In health, you may decide never again to interact with someone who is toxic to your life. Always, the future is yours to choose.
In essence, forgiveness is a selfish act. It is a positive choice that can forever change you. You do it for yourself, not the person who offended you. Practicing forgiveness helps you to protect and lighten your own life.
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Biography
