RORY KELLY CONNOR: As I write this, February – otherwise known as the month of hearts and romance in many parts of the world – looms provocatively just over the horizon. It has me thinking about an issue that often comes up with my Coaching clients and friends and was something I struggled with for years as well…an underlying question that many of us have embraced in the negative. Am I lovable?

The answer is, of course, YES. We are. By our very existence, human beings are lovable. One only needs to experience the birth of a child to feel the wonder and awe, the Great Love filling every cell of our beings, to know every one of us is inherently and deeply lovable. For no other reason than that we are each a miracle of creation. We are lovable. And love gets to us all. It is the nourishment under which each of us thrives. No one is immune to its power. No one wants to live without it.

The burning questions…are some of us working hard at not being lovable? Are some of us lost wondering why we are not more lovable? Are we having trouble attracting love because we do not inherently believe we are lovable? The answer is YES to all….or a strong MAYBE.

Are You Lovable?

Are you lovable? This is a question that often comes up during Coaching sessions with clients. Too often the answer is "no” or “I don’t know.” Yet, every single person that comes to me for support wants to be lovable, be loved, whether in their relationships, their work and their circles of influence. It is the universal question that haunts people regardless of level of success, body type, economic status, age, gender or race.

Recently, I read an interview in Vanity Fair magazine featuring world famous Hollywood actress and beauty Demi Moore. She stated, "What scares me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not lovable, that I'm not worthy of being loved. That there's something fundamentally wrong with me…and that I wasn't wanted here in the first place..." In deep compassion, as both a woman and a Coach, my heart went out to her.

We are born into this world a miracle, love in human form, precious, amazing, a gift from God. (Even if you are an atheist, you feel that immutable force at the birth of your child, as well as the death of a child.)

Then something happens. Somewhere along the way, something is done to us or said to us, sometimes repeatedly, that convinces us of something different – that we are not loved, are not lovable, are, in fact, unworthy of love. And we take that belief to heart. We embrace it. We embed it. We commit to it. And, all about love, core to who and what we are as human beings, we put all of our power to that relationship to love.

The problem with this belief is that IT IS A LIE. You are not only lovable, you are BELOVED. You are simply hiding it behind the commitment you have made to yourself – the lie – that you are not lovable. So, take a deep breath, and let’s commit to something else – changing your mind.  

Be Lovable

Lovable is defined as having a nature that attracts love, deserves love, is amiable and endearing. Does that describe you? Do you attract LOVE (or some other imitation of love which is not love)? Do you feel you deserve love? Are you friendly, open, approachable? Do you evoke a delicious feeling within others when they have been exposed to you, one that makes them feel special, alive, heard, appreciated, maybe even loved?

It’s a funny thing that we, as humans, feel we should inherently know how to be lovable. Almost always we assess our lovable-ness in relation to other people - most especially our spouses, our children, our friends and co-workers – and how they appear to feel about us.

Yet, the true barometer of our ability to be lovable, to love and be loved, is in our ability to first love ourselves, completely and unconditionally. In allowing ourselves to achieve this gift, this power, we accept ourselves. We make loving choices for ourselves, behaving in a way that loves ourselves. We are kind to ourselves and stand lovingly in our own integrity. In holding ourselves as beloved, we become beloved. And then, something amazing happens. We then see others as beloved. And that is the most attractive energy in the Universe, and very lovable. 

Beloved (Be-loved)

Blessedly, I learned the truth of this and now work with others so that they may know this truth for themselves. Together, we work to get them there, debunking the limiting beliefs that they somehow picked up along the way, opening the door to learning something new, changing their minds to embrace all within them that is truly wonderful and lovable. Yes, it takes work. Yet, every person deserves to feel the brilliant glow of their own love.

If you are not feeling or being lovable and want love, I encourage you to do the work needed to get out of your own way. Learn how to love yourself by choosing thoughts and actions that are self-loving choices. Then do the same, always, with others. You will find that you are, and have always been, quite lovable. You simply had to choose it with your free will.

Try it. Get to the heart of the matter. You are worth it. You will see. And I promise you, you will then hear a whisper from heaven saying, “This is my beloved Son (Daughter), with whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17, modified with permission from the Source).

With love,

Rory

Feb 7, 2012 - 10:16 PM

Audrey - What a warm touchstone article -to refer to when we have moments that all of us have, when we question our own worthiness and lovability.