For the next several weeks we are expected to attend dinners and parties, do Christmas shopping, decorate our homes befitting a feature spread in Better Homes and Gardens, and become extraordinary bakers on top of everything we normally do. We are expected to be nice to everyone and let bygones be bygones with our despised enemies. And all the while being festively dressed with a smiley face on! Extreme social busy-ness masks our loneliness and insecurities as we scurry along trying not to feel sorry for ourselves. Yes the holidays bring out the best in us, but inside we may still be feeling the worst.
The truth is that the reason we get stressed and don't appreciate this joyous time of year is because we feel that there isn't enough in it for 'me'; not enough time, money, friends, understanding, help, and on and on. We long for that Norman Rockwell picture perfect Christmas but it remains elusive. After years of trying to do everything right I've learned the secret to having a happy Christmas! I had to learn to be more selfish!
Over the years I've consciously created my own code of living a good life and I especially try to enforce this code during the holidays. It suits me, it serves me and it's admittedly selfish. It's a bold approach to living that doesn't leave me out in the cold, forgotten and feeling like some little lost lamb. As a result I survive the holidays in joy and authenticity. So here it goes, my 10 selfish steps to enjoying the holidays:
1. Be selfish.
I selfishly try to live with kindness and compassion, towards my self and others. It's easier on me than living with suspicion and resentment; a lot less stressful. Take your time, rest, have another spiced eggnog.
2. Avoid the madness of others.
I selfishly try to avoid spin cycles. I hate feeling dizzy and out of control. People love their drama, seeing and experiencing injustices and transgressions everywhere they turn. This is dead end thinking and I want to live. On those occasions when I find myself involved in one, I stomp my slushy feet, focus on me, get real, ground and try to step out of it quickly.
3. Make a Wish List.
Speak up. Tell people what you want. Don't expect people to rely on their 'spidey' senses when they're lost in their seasonal madness! Make a wish list! Ask for help! There is a lot to be said for clarity.
4. Don't worry about others.
I selfishly try to live without anger, resentment and worry. I don't use words to hurt people deliberately, sometimes it happens anyway but never intentionally. I don't call people derogatory names - it takes away from my soul if I do. Worry just eats up good energy. I need all my energy to do other things I like to do. Don't worry about past grievances. They're just sticky and gross. Who needs to lug around all that extra baggage anyway?
5. Never get embarrassed for others.
I refuse to get embarrassed for the actions of my children, friends, family or acquaintances or make excuses for them. Everyone is accountable for them selves and must face the consequences of their actions and behaviour them selves. I will govern myself accordingly and expect others to.
6. Never try to impress anyone.
Try only to impress yourself. Check in with your own heart, meet only your own expectations and make choices that are in keeping with your personal code. Don't harbour grand expectations from others or for others. That way you will always be surprised with every kindness you receive. Don’t do anything for approval or praise -leave your ego at home.
7. Keep it simple.
The more complicated things are the more diligence and choreography it takes to pull it off successfully. It's your holiday too! Do what you do well and leave the rest to others.
8. Never do anything you don't want to do.
I selfishly find value in everything I put my hand to before
I begin and so I don't encounter regret very often.
9. Enjoy Yourself!
I keep my attention focused in the now as much as possible and selfishly endeavour to enjoy myself in all my relationships and all my tasks as I'm doing them.
10. Laugh a lot!
I laugh a lot, everyday! I selfishly and unabashedly look for things to laugh at, because I want to. I don't wait for others to make me happy. I selfishly celebrate at every chance I get!
11. Be true to your heart!
I never tell people I love them unless
I truly do. I never hug anyone I don't want to. I selfishly give long hugs every chance I get just 'cause they make me feel good!
12. Say YES!
I try to say "YES" to as much as possible, if it is in my power to give, do, help, attend, go, create, or be, I WILL! My life is enhanced by it. Besides, life is never created in the expression of "NO"!
So upon review I'm certainly more selfish than I realized but still there's always more I can do - and I say YES to that! I also get that me, selfishly working on me, is the best for everyone. Generally speaking we are all more the same than we are different, so if it makes me feel good, chances are it will simultaneously make another feel good. Stupid is as stupid does, happy is as happy does and like attracts like!
Have a wonderfully, blissful and selfish holiday! I know I will!
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