The person I was with asked me if I saw the problem with my statement, as she waved her own arms in the air.
"Perhaps I didn't say it loud enough?" I said slowly, raising one eyebrow as well as my voice in a questioning sort of way, along with my arms, palms up. Holding. Holding.
She smiled sympathetically and waited until I lowered my hands. "You'll never get what you need by asking for arbitrary universal assistance." She said. Now it was me who waited, head cocked, looking out the window at nothing in particular with everything and nothing coursing through my mind. "Out there.
" she gestured with one hand all over the place, while pointing out that I was asking for someone or something from the outside to come and answer me - to just give me the answer to my question.
I waited - impatiently I admit.
"You have to go inside.
In here." she said clasping her heart with overlapped hands. "Nothing on the outside
is going to swoop in and hand
you the answer to your question."
A sigh was all I could muster in response.
I know, I know this stuff, but lately I've been just simply lost, running, racing all kinds of things through my mind. I've been totally lost in thought. Utterly, completely, uncomfortably lost.
I started meditation classes a couple weeks ago thinking it might help. Never tried it before. Your legs go numb and your back aches. Self-punishment. Ya, now there's something I can get into, in the frame of mind I've been in lately. I even made my own sitty-downy thing to make sure I went every week. (I'm pretty handy that way and making it was a meditation on its own. Just me and the wood. Turned out pretty good too. It works well.) After just three weeks of going to class once a week I can sit comfortably cross-legged for half an hour. Then tonight while letting all this junk roll and bounce haphazardly through my mind, I realized I missed the class. Oh that's just great. I started a bath.
After a few tears, not from the bubbles - (Hey if you're going to have a bath, you have to have bubbles no matter what state you're in. I make a ritual out of it actually. Instead of just mindlessly dumping in the bubble bath, before I start the water I make the figure 8 - the infinity symbol - a few times in the bottom of the tub and say a little prayer, I guess you could call it - whatever comes to mind, then turn on the water.) Ok, so, after a few pity-me tears in the bath I got out, wrapped up, put in my ear plugs and sat smack in the centre of a semi-darkened room, on my sitty-downy meditation stool. I cleared my mind of all the turbulence - notice I've been using the word 'mind' a lot? - and the words "I'm sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you." rolled through me over and over again, like gentle waves.
These powerful words were given to me by an inspiring Reiki Master and Metaphysics Teacher during a treatment on her table several weeks ago. We started by purely repeating the words with no detailed explanation. First she told me to say the words to myself. So I did, in my head. She waited a bit and again asked me to say the words to myself. I told her I already did. She said she meant for me to say them out loud. So I did. Out loud. She then said I should be saying them to myself. When I asked if I should be saying them out loud or to myself she paused and said, "Out loud to
your self or to
your self, out loud."
We both realized what was going on and had a good laugh. Laughter is good.
She then went on to enlighten me to their significance saying it is known as 'Ho'oponopono'
- it's a Hawaiian philosophy. (Check it out. My online search came up with 559,000 results so I wasn't sure which one to recommend.)
So who am I saying I'm sorry to? My Higher Self, for not believing in myself. I then ask my Higher Self to forgive me for not believing in myself. I acknowledge that forgiveness by saying thank you and finish (really it's starting) by saying I love you/me and truly mean it. And I did and I do. It's very empowering.
What I'm getting to with all of this is that WORDS are very powerful things. Certain words in certain combinations carry with them potent vibrations and frequencies. They tap in to a Universal Heartbeat of the highest degree. Especially when said out loud because they transmit energy. (Even more so when mixed with music!) It can be positive healing energy or destructive negative energy. When you speak from the heart with good intention, you will
notice a constructive change in your own world, which affects the world at large. So please speak from the heart with good intention everyday.
And speaking about the heart, when you move energy from head to heart, from thought to feeling, you go from lost-in-thought to found-in-feeling and it certainly balances one out in an agreeable way. It's a great principle to live by. When you're feeling
balanced you can approach any sized question or situation confidently and clearly. Now that I've re-membered
I can tell you that's the reason we refer to Feng SHe as the reBalance Principle. Duh. We humans do tend to get lost in many ways when we forget
our principles.
I seem to have altered my tune from the way I started out writing this piece haven't I? Self-reflection and writing can be quite liberating. Writing things out, now there's
a topic for another time.
Thank you, to both Mary
for the tips of advice along with the spinach tips at lunch today and to Andrea Connell
for the Reiki-laugh, the inspiration for the title of this article and the current mantra of my life. "I'm Sorry. Forgive Me. Thank You. I Love You."
As for as my existence and my purpose - I'm processing. I'll let you know.
Be Well.
- pAuL
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