I feel for Bob, because I have been where he is - although not with the same business card! It's a place of feeling that you just don't measure up and it is reflected in everything you do and how you present yourself to the world. I know Bob's world, I have been there as have countless others. Downsized, Right - sized, de-hired, packaged out - all euphemisms for being fired, let's not sugar coat it - that's what it is, and it feels lousy and hurtful!
Bob was a successful scientific writer before he was downsized from his high paying occupation. There were some communication issues with Bob's immediate supervisor, and when cuts came Bob was first to be let go even though he had worked at this company for 20 years. Bob assumed the supervisor had it in for him as a result of their communication issues and that he was let go for that reason. Clearly still under the grips of the 'blame game', Bob was under the assumption his fate was determined by outside forces.
Since then, job hunting has been difficult for Bob. There are few opportunities in his chosen field, so he has resorted to looking for Customer Service roles, most of which pay minimum wage.
As I listened to Bob speak about his experiences, I was struck by how the language, inflection and body language reflected the words on the card. He demonstrated a lot of eye movement, restlessness, and spoke in a self deprecating way. I am sure he was not aware of this on a conscious level. As humans we certainly do not set out to create a poor impression on others.
I took the opportunity to share an exercise with Bob that works to get you in tune with how you are perceived by others. It's called 'taking the meta view' - looking and listening to yourself from a distance or height, taking in and really hearing the language you are using. It works - try it!
It is amazing how words either spoken or written tell a powerful tale about who we really are. Add to this the power of body language and you have either a recipe for disaster or success.
So, what is it that holds us back from shouting out what we're really good at? Why do we resist telling the world who and what we really are by showing our best selves in every moment? In the case of Bob the job seeker, who had 'many occupations - master at none', what does this tell us about him? What it says to me is that Bob is putting up a wall. He has lost confidence and he has accepted what circumstance has determined about his worth.
No-one gets to their mid forties without some smarts and Bob is no exception, however, every success in life comes from believing that we are the strong and viable humans we are. There is a direct connection between what we believe internally, consciously or unconsciously, and what we project to the world.
What we do is a reflection on social status, what friends we have and what circles we move in. For most of us of a 'certain age', our work defines our success and if all of a sudden this is taken away, we no longer have a frame of reference. Pull the rug out and 'ouch', confidence plummets and you are now in a big black hole (if you allow it) that is 'loss of confidence'.
As we continued our conversation, Bob kept saying that he wasn't really an expert at anything. "Yes." He said, "I know a lot of stuff but I'm not really good at anything." But as he spoke with the group, Bob started to talk about his garden and how the neighbours were always marvelling at how beautiful the flowers were, and complimenting him on how gorgeous the garden was. As he spoke about his garden, I could see him leaning forward, his eyes opened up and he was smiling. It was a complete change in tone and body language! I couldn't help but provide a note of encouragement. "See, you ARE good at something. Is it possible for you to explore this as a career?" He was taken by surprise but I could see the wheels starting to turn in his mind.
As the evening ended we walked out together and Bob, considerably more confident remarked to me, "Maybe I am good at some things, I know I am my own worst enemy, and I will get a new business card." It was a light bulb moment!
We so often take our talents for granted assuming that because it's easy for us, it has little worth. Not so! What's of little worth to one person is of great worth to others.
The secret to getting out of the black hole is to continually focus on what you are really good at, find a way to tap into your authentic self - find a passion and work it! Easy? No. It takes determination, planning and goal setting. It takes getting up every single day with a resolute attitude to make your mark on the world. It takes collecting a team of cheerleaders to keep you motivated. It means taking a long hard look at how you are projecting yourself to the world and changing what is not working. It means investing in yourself, because you know you are worth it. It means, sitting down and writing out all of the great stuff you have done in your life - and figuring out which of things really turned you on. That IS your passion and purpose.
If YOU are like Bob, get busy. Time is of the essence. Don't lose a minute! What we put on paper is a reflection of who we really are inside. Change your words - change your life.
If you do all of these things, the business card will change from
MANY OCCUPATIONS - MASTER AT NONE to
MY OCCUPATION - MASTERFULLY DONE!
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Biography
