SHERRY ANASHARA: Don't you just love it when someone tells you to should, could and would on your Self? Do you get angry, frustrated and resentful? Especially when someone says to you, "I am only telling you this for your own good!" What good?

How good is it when someone you think is really goofy, or you see them as having all sorts of issues in their lives, giving you solicited or unsolicited advice for your own 'good'.

There are several issues going on at once. First of all, being resentful, frustrated and angry only hurts you. You close up; tighten your body, which affects the health of your cells emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and even financially. Your body is affected by the effect of your emotions running rampant. You are literally making your Self sick over another person or other people's perception of what you should be doing with your life. Though they may be coming from a place of caring, great intentions and even from their version of love, damn it feels more like a place of interference. The Do Gooder, who in your idea is not doing you any good in the moment, if ever.

Secondly, the person who is telling you what to do in your life is probably someone who does care about you. However, they are sometimes misadvised to give you advice that you are not seeking. More likely than not, you are just looking for someone to listen to you. You would just like to get something off your chest. However, the problem is you may be confiding in someone who wants to 'fix' you. In the fix, he or she thinks they are Doing a Good Deed and it makes them feel important. You on the other hand are not looking or asking for a fix. You are simply looking for someone to listen. Too 'bad' no one is listening for the 'good' of the situation.

Thirdly, the person who is giving the Do-Gooder advice is not hearing. They are only hearing the fix. They are hearing you but not listening. What is occurring in this situation for everyone involved is the resentment that is building on both sides of the conversation. You are resentful because the person is not listening to you. The person is resentful because you are not listening to their Do-Gooder advice - that you 'should' be taking.

Fourthly, the conversation breaks down. The issues are not resolved. Therefore, there are no solutions for anyone. However, and there is a however - it becomes an underlying core of anger, frustration and resentment that builds up. When it is unexpressed, the relationship becomes strained. Strained relationships can last for years. What a waste of valuable relationships! No one is listening to what is being said. The truth is everyone just wants to be heard. Hearing is not the problem. The trick is listening.

Why, because everyone tends to hear what they 'want' to hear instead of clear listening. Everyone is hanging on their own agendas of what is happening! Things can get ugly and too emotional. Are you in dumping mode from the other person's perception? Or is the other person trying to fix you from his or her perception? Time to stick to the facts and be involved with the emotional perceptions.

Wouldn't it be much more productive to have a resolution that does not split the relationship but enhances the relationship and the situation? The solution is the resolution of both parties listening to each other without their own personal agendas attached to the conversation.

The truth is no one can fix anyone as no one is broken. Could be a lot of goofiness going on, but no one is really broken. So with the not broken - don't have to fix scenario over, everyone can simply listen to each other. You can have a productive conversation without venting and fixing, but pure listening. In the purest sense of listening, the conversation is open to self discover resolutions for everyone involved, which in turn creates solutions.

So before you attract an irritating Do-Gooder into your life, make sure you are doing good for your Self first by not being in victim mode. Don't send out victim vibes saying you are looking for a 'fix'. Send out vibes that you are asking for assistance, a compassionate listener and you are willing to accept great advice without a 'fix' being attached to your issue or problem. Solutions come with the clarity of what you are asking to accomplish. So before you make the Do-Gooder you drew into your life wrong, make sure you know what you are asking for. Two wrongs make too much emotional trauma dramas. Don't wrong your Self. Don't wrong the other person or persons. Be clear when you are asking for assistance. Or you may get a Do-Gooder who is not good for you!!!